Milo // 5 Months

5 months old and life rushes on...

Dear Milo,

Even as the fast-paced world carries on around us, I take time to pause regularly in front of this mirror in your nursery.  Not only because you LOVE your reflection, but just to see us together.  To be on the outside looking in.  Who are we?  Who are we together?  What possibilities reside within you - currently tiny seeds - elements of who you're meant to be one day.  And what possibilities, small seeds yet to take root, are still inside of me?   I catch glimpses of the answers when we stop to search our reflection for what lies beneath the surface.  We're constantly changing and becoming.  One of us more noticeably than the other :)  Looking in the mirror removes the veil of the everyday rush.  It requires me to cease my constant motion for once.  And look.  Things become apparent that are not so obvious to the naked eye when hurrying through life.  In our reflection, for a moment, I can see clearly.

I see you, chubby and strong and happy. 
I see me, tired yet content.  
I see two lives with a lot left to do.
I see unwashed hair, spit-up stains and motherhood at its most ordinary.  
I see a baby at the beginning of his story, and I know without a doubt it's going to be a good one.
I see life as it is for now, but not for long.
I see what's important.
I see love.

Onward, my darling.  Next month is the bittersweet "6 Month" mark and I'm trying to be ok with that.

My whole heart,

Momma

Vacation: From Anxiety to Adventure

Escaping to Mexico mid-January may seem like a dream, but the truth is leaving behind four kids is STRESSFUL! There's so much stuff.  So many lists.  So many schedules.  By the time everyone and everything was squared away I asked Billy if he even wanted to go on vacation with me anymore.  Ha!  (but, seriously)

The act of leaving our children is physically painful for me.  I cry and inevitably want to back out of every trip we've ever been on post-children. Billy convinces me I'll be fine once we get there, but that doesn't stop my mind from racing and my heart from beating anxiously all the way to the airport.  I'm positive I've neglected to do something. Oh well, too late now.  I hope my kids know I love them and that I'm coming back. What if they all get the stomach flu and infect our entire family (<--this one actually did happen unbeknownst to us during the vacation)

However, once we stepped off the plane and breathed in the warm air I was cured.  We needed this.  I changed into a sundress and flip flops in the airport restroom.  The sadness and guilt of leaving the kiddos melted away in the 80 degree sun as we waited for our driver.

When we got to our resort we did exactly n o t h i n g.  Nothing feels so awkward when you're very accustomed to doing all the things.

Nothing consisted of:  Reading.  Full books.  Books, PLURAL.  We ate and slept and ate and dozed in the sun and walked on the beach and listened to the waves for hours.  We played card games, connected and talked...and really listened.  At night we danced until my feet were so sore I had to walk back to the hotel barefooted (because good choices are made after a little tequila). We got massages on the beach -  $20 for 70 minutes?!   The price alone was a good enough excuse to get a massage daily. It was incredible.

The only day we actually did anything was on our last day when we decided the vacation needed a little adventure and we swam the underground rivers at Xcaret, which I highly recommend to anyone planning to visit the area.

Lots of dancing.  If you want a fun vacation I highly recommend you take Bill Murray :)

Early morning walks.

Although the resort we stayed at was technically a family resort we saw probably 3 children total during our stay. Everytime we saw a kid we were like "Hi!  We have kids.  Can we talk to your kid?  Is that a baby?  I might steal your baby..."  Kids on romantic vacations are super fun when you're not responsible for them ;)

Dear boys,

We missed you so much, but we take time away so we can give you the most important thing...a mom and dad who are happy and whole.  We are the center of our family and we want to be the strong foundation you deserve.  Being your parents is the best thing we've ever done.  By taking time away we are investing in us and in you.  Our future and our collective happiness.  Just a few days away to reconnect yields incredible results...I hope you remember that when you're married someday (and we'll watch your kids!! :)  I put these pictures from our trip on the blog because we want you to see who we are outside of being your parents.  We're real people (if you can believe that!) and we truly have fun together.

We love you so much, but we loved each other first.

Our whole hearts,

Momma & Dad

PS.  We cannot wait for our next FAMILY vacation!  Those are pretty awesome too :)

Milo // 4 Months

Dear Milo,

A new year, another milestone.
A lot has changed since your last "monthly post".

This baby version of you will always remind me of Boobo since this is how he knew you.

I'm sad that you didn't get to know him well, but I will always make sure you know him through my memories.  His grandchildren were one of his greatest joys and he loved you so much.

Although your brothers had more time with him, I want you to know the special role you played in his life as well.  You were the only grandkid that was with him until the end.  The only one able to spend time with him when we didn't think it would be good for the older kids to visit.  The one who brought comfort and peace to us all when we were huddled together at the hospital sad and worried.  Big shoes for a baby to fill, but you did it with ease.  Nothing combats grief like an innocent baby smile.  

Thank you for playing that special role in your Boobo's life.  You were there for him when he needed you.  And I hope you're always able to feel his love.

My whole heart,

Momma

//a few 4-month photo shoot outtakes//

Milo says "Ugh. This one. He's a little unpredictable, Mom..."

Stats:

19 lbs // 98th percentile

26 inches // 85th percentile