Monday, December 12, 2016

It’s been a year.

It's been nearly a year since the rug was pulled out from under our family. 
Normally I love documenting milestones and anniversaries, but this is one I’ve been dreading. 

Life can be so tragically random.   And death, from this side of it, seems so vast and enveloping.  It’s something I hadn’t ever truly faced before.  It’s hard to articulate how it feels to walk around in this new reality…although I know I’m not alone in this club no one wants to be a member of.

I’ve spent so many quiet moments over the last year whispering out loud to the universe…“What is the world going to do without him?”   It just seemed like so much hinged on his being.  His goodness, his opinions, his experiences and wild stories.  I’ve learned that life truly does go on, though.

In some ways he's still very much alive in my mind because my memories of him are so vivid.  His larger-than-life presence hasn't even begun to fade around me.  I'm grateful for that...but I wonder how long it will last as time marches on. 
It seems daunting to face the rest of my life without his physical presence, but in these last 365+/- days I've tried to open my eyes and see all that he has left.  Mostly, that brings into focus the kids - his grandchildren.  Those who will carry on his legacy...
Dear Max, Sullivan, Fletcher, Milo + Annabelle, Sadie and Peter, 
I want you to know…your Boobo couldn’t wait to become a grandfather.  You could almost see his heart glow with pride when he met each and every one of you for the first time.  May you continue to sense his love and warmth throughout your lives.  

I hope you always know him by the gentle nudge you feel to do the right thing, in that instinct you have to give someone a chance, the urge you get to pass along your good fortune or the fortitude that rises up and pushes you to take a giant leap of faith.  That is him beside you.  Those are the things he valued and lived daily.

The greatness of his love is still with you. Multiplied indefinitely among you all.  And whatever reality lies beyond this life, please never ever doubt the deep, steadfast love he has for each of you.

My whole heart,
Momma/Aunt Billy

One of a kind. I miss this face so much.